Visitors Review

(2012-05-24 23:01)

Nonstop action makes up for dumb pc plot

Machete was dumb and politically correct,and yet I still liked it. This was a fun movie, with constant action and as much bloodshed as any movie I have ever seen. Danny Trejo is a Mexican Rambo-type, who kills hundreds of enemies in the most gory way possible. Even less believable, he gets Jessica Alba at the end of the movie. While I watching Machete, I was thinking: Why am I watching this crap? But I still couldn't turn it off.

(2012-05-24 01:06)

Truth in Advertising

The mother of all macho-action-grunt-splosion movies, and if you were expecting something different, I don't know what trailers you were watching. Easily the most morbidly hilarious film I've ever seen, I was cracking up at over-the-top triple decapitations within the first minute and shocked at the kind of material that was eliciting so many belly laughs. It's paper-thin by design, proudly heavy handed and clearly something everybody had the time of their lives filming, but the entertainment value does start to wane by the end of the second act. May have been more fulfilling as a joke trailer, though I'm sure I'll watch it again when I'm in the mood to shut off my brain.

(2012-05-24 04:12)

Kill Whitey

Basically the whole theme of the movie is how mexicans should kill off all the white people in the US in order to take over the US for themselves.

Grann-Bach (2012-05-23 16:08)

Delivers what it promises

Machete(Danny Trejo, in one of his only starring roles... and afterseeing this, you'll hope he sticks to minor ones from now on, where heexcels, he doesn't have the charisma for something of this size) was aFederale, until he was tricked and left for dead by drug lordTorrez(Steven Seagal, who can pass for Latino... albeit theirinevitable fight is constricted by his blubber and the age of both ofthem). He survived... somehow... and now gets by as a day laborer. He'shired by Booth(Jeff Fahey, who I understand is a veteran of this kindof thing) to kill the anti-immigrant(bringing up that thematic, andtreating it with no intelligence and a lot of preachiness) bigotsenator McLaughlin(Robert De Niro, the one talented actor in this, andeven he chews some scenery). It doesn't go as planned, and he now hasto take out the people gunning for him and get his much-deservedvengeance. First off, this is what you expect. Brutal, gory, disturbingwith gratuitous strong language, female nudity and sexuality(some of itquite perverted). It fits in the majority of the incredible shots inthe fake trailer(trust me, everything you really wanted to see isthere), and yes, the script was written around those. Is the plot(withcountless, usually meaningless and inconsequential, twists... in fact,it's coming dangerously close to Paul W.S. Anderson territory)nonsensical? Oh yes. You can follow it fine on an initial viewing, andin spite of this being as overwritten(with a million ideas that nevermaterialize into anything... well, a few of them could if theperformances weren't so lacking) as Once Upon a Time in Mexico, unlikethat movie, it isn't intolerable. The action is entertaining, fast andthere's plenty of it, without it being excessive. It's also cut withbreathing room, again different from aforementioned picture. Thisdoesn't go for the "grindhouse" visual aesthetic that Planet Terrordid, with scratches on the negative and the like. Dialog has itsmoments but tends to be forgettable. The score is great, fitting withthe 70's/80's exploitation flick. This is kind of a satire on those,and a tribute and entry into the genre. It definitely follows theclichés. While Rodriguez can come up with some marvelous gags, heevidently can't think of enough to go without ripping himself off, andothers, as well(unoriginal story much?). The characters are potentiallyinteresting, and fail on account of the cast and the sheer number ofthem giving no chance of any of them getting sufficient development.Luz(Michelle Rodriguez... well, at least she, like all the other chicksin this, looks fantastic) who works for The Network, an undergroundorganization that gets people into the country, get them jobs andprotect them. Sartana(Alba, who has to give a speech that she doesn'teven remotely possess the gravitas for), an agent there to stopillegals. Padre(Cheech Marin, cool for probably the only timeon-screen), the priest and our hero's brother. Osiris(Tom Savini,probably having the most fun he's had since From Dusk Till Dawn) is ahigh-class hired killer. April(Lindsay Lohan, portraying... I guessherself, with the bad parenting, drug abuse and lascivious behaviour).And Von(Don Johnson), the racist Texan who, along with his companions,shoot those who jump the border. You don't particularly care aboutthese characters... however, it still goes down surprisingly smooth andyou're not bored. The DVD comes with an audience reaction track(some ofit goes as you'd think, though at times, they get confused and cheer onthe villains...), 11 and a half minutes of genuinely good deletedscenes and trailers for Mariachi trilogy Blu-Ray release, Green Hornet,Faster, Sniper: Reloaded and Priest. I recommend this to fans of thewriter/director, and of this sort of thing in general. 7/10

MovieProductions (2012-05-21 18:36)

You just *BEEPED* with the wrong Mexican

**1/2 out of (****)Walking into "Machete", I wasn't quite sure what to expect. Of course Iacknowledged the fact that it was over-the-top stupidity, yet withpositive critical reception. However, I wasn't sure to expect a goodfilm or just a rather mediocre homage to the gritty, low-budgetgrindhouse movies. "Machete" is a little of both. While it's not a goodfilm by any stretch of the word, it knows what it is and sticks withit. A plethora of films typically don't deliver what they promise and"Machete" isn't one of them. "Machete" is inclusive to gratuitousnudity, a high body count, blood spraying, a beefy Steven Seagel, and a70's grindhouse feel to it. For that, I mildly recommend it. I haven'tchecked out the "Grindhouse" double feature, but I do realize "Machete"started out as a faux trailer for the aforementioned double feature.For a film like "Machete", it's almost impossible to walk outdisappointed. I mean, sure, it's not a great film, but you get what youpaid for. And really, is that such a bad thing?"Machete", what originated from a faux trailer attached to the iconic"Grindhouse", now makes its debut to film. Machete (Danny Trejo), is aMexican immigrant that kicks butt, gets the ladies, and makes noexcuses. However, immigration is against the law, which leaves Machetein the dust. However, Luz (Michelle Rodriguez), supportsanti-immigration and tries to get the law abolished. While Sartana(Jessica Alba), is with immigration laws simply because it's a law.Robert De Niro and Steven Seagel also join the Robert Rodriguezdirected feature film.First of all, the film's performances are decent. For this being aB-film, the acting is surprisingly a notch better but when basing it asan A-film (which it doesn't intend to be), the acting is pretty much"copy and paste". Furthermore, the script is fine. The one-liners arepretty funny and the dialog doesn't try to be high art, which is areliever to some extent. Moreover, the gratuitous violence and nuditydon't disappoint. While there are far more heads flying off thenclothes, both will suffice Grindhouse fans. To add to that, the styleof this film definitely gives it that 70's feel. It doesn't have thetypical Grindhouse scratches and aged look (however, the first fiveminute are like that), but it still recaptures that feel.While the pros outweight the cons, there are some flaws. First off, thepacing is offbeat. The beginning and middle are paced pretty well butthe ending drags, which is a shame. Furthermore, for it being aGrindhouse flick, the money shots ran short. A Lohan scene and anintestinal scene doesn't cut it. I heard Grindhouse had numerous moneyshots, so why not this one?Overall, "Machete" is simply good fun and doesn't try to be anythingit's not. While the performances and script are not top notch, theyaren't suppose to be. Actually, for this type of film, it's a cut ortwo above subpar. Worth a matinée. If you even dare not recommend"Machete", then you've just *beeped* with the wrong Mexican!

(2012-05-21 10:49)

Machete will live on as a cult classic

Machete1 DVD Widescreen Disc, being released January 4, 2010"Machete" was directed by Robert Rodriguez and Ethan Maniquis and is an expansion of a fake trailer for a film of the same name that was shown during the double feature "Grindhouse." If only more movies could be like this: cut into a trailer and the people either demand it or don't. Then stuff like the upcoming Vince Vaughn and Kevin James movie, "The Dilemma" wouldn't get made. I remember cheering for this trailer in the theater and the movie was pretty much what I expected it to be. The premise is that an ex-Federale is hired for an assassination, but is then betrayed by the people who hired him who are trying to get a Senator re-elected by getting sympathy from the voters. Machete goes on a rampage of revenge with the help of the network."Machete" is best when it embraces its genre. The campiness, the ridiculous amount of violence, gunfire, explosions, and gratuitous hot babes are all elements of what makes this movie work. The only parts that take away from the movie are the moments of seriousness where actors try to do something deeper with their performances. For example, Lindsay Lohan plays a slutty daughter of the man who hired and wronged Machete. Her back story is pretty bad, basically she enjoys putting nude photos of herself online to get attention for modeling and later takes a turn that gets her in a nun's uniform with a gun. The journey from point A to point B is a little painful, but if she could have just let herself go a little and rattle off one-liner's without being self conscious about it, she could have done better.Danny Trejo as Machete has a face we all remember, though before now may not have remembered his name so vividly. He carries this movie with awesome action sequences and deeply buried emotions. He's a man's man getting it done and then randomly hitting it with hot babes who get naked for him. Does that part make sense? Heck no. Does it feel like a reward for years of supporting hitman roles? Hells to the yeah.Jessica Alba plays Sartana Rivera, a U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement Agent trying to track down the network that helps immigrants led by "She" played by Michelle Rodriguez. Once Machete is framed for a crime he didn't commit and is able to gather evidence against his foes, Sartana switches gears to help him and get the real criminals who set this up behind bars. Both women walk the line of the tone of this movie very well. They hop between earnestly fighting for their goals, oozing sex appeal, and participating in crazy action scenes. Cheech Marin has a great short stint as the ass-kicking Padre.The baddies are former "Lost" cast member, Jeff Fahey who is the man behind the curtain of the hire-up and main betrayer of Machete. His steel blue eyes and deep voiced resolve are perfect for setting up the movie. Robert De Niro is a little silly as a cowboy Anti-Immigration Texas Senator McLaughlin, but that fits this movie too.What this movie did amazingly well as make sure to incorporate every scene shown in the original fake trailer! It would have been a little better at "Grindhouse" length, say 75 minutes or so and trimming down some of the fat (scenes getting too serious, slowing the story down). Definitely worth checking out for some crazy violence and action! For example, I looked away from the TV for a second and missed FIVE people getting decapitated at once. Whoa.Bonus Features:There is an audience track so you can listen to other people laughing and reacting to Machete decapitating people. There are five deleted scenes, some of which are a big surprise! Turns out Jessica Alba's character had a slutty twin whom she walks in on in bed with some guy often enough to be in two cut scenes. There are more scenes with our DeNiro politician where elements of the plot are explained to him (when they don't need to be).

(2012-05-21 04:36)

One Great Character Looking for a Better Story

Based on a character in a fake trailer in "Grindhouse," "Machete" is essentially one short movie expanded into a feature-length action. Danny Trejo plays a former Mexican Federale hired to assassinate a US senator played by Robert De Niro. Machete is a man of few words, deadly with weapons, and he is also a lady's man. This is the prolific actor's first leading role, and though the film is flawed, Danny Trejo is perfect as the vigilante hero.Part homage to exploitation movies, "Machete" is one-joke sketch turned into a 105 minute film. While the thin storyline is the film's obvious weakness, its strength lies in the cast including Jessica Alba, Jeff Fahey, Don Johnson, Lindsay Lohan, Cheech Marin, Michelle Rodriguez and Steven Seagal. With a cast of mostly B-list actors (and former A-listers), violent and sexy "Machete" certainly makes it point in its ultra-gory pre-credit 15 minutes, which is the best (or to some, worst) part of the film.But like most Robert Rodriguez films "Machete" tends to be slack and even dull when it forgets what it sets out to do. We know this is entertainment and we shouldn't take the film seriously, but some actors seem not to see things that way. The subplots about "Shé" and Alba's agent (with her not-so-convincing speech) only slow down the film. The confusing climax with so many characters shooting each other is a letdown. The filmmakers need better action choreography."Machete" belongs to perfectly cast Danny Trejo. I hope he will come back in "Machete Kills" and "Machete Kills Again," but please, next time with a better script.

(2012-05-20 10:30)

Machete don't text

This movie is awesome it has a well round cast from Robert De Niro, Steven Seagal, danny Trejo, jessica Alba and micelle rodriguez. This movie is packed with none stop action, hot women(Jessica Alba. What can i say more than that Machete is a blast to watch.

Joden Ericson (2012-05-18 04:12)

Totally filled with ketchup gore and maniacally fueled!

Set up, double-crossed, and left for dead; well, technically not leftby the baby-sitting twins from Robert Rodriguez's Planet Terror. Thatis Machete's agony throughout the film. An ex-federale that eitheravenging his wife's death by killing Torrez (Steven Seagal) or the guyslead by Michael Booth (Jeff Fahey) that dealt with him by theassassination of the infamous Senator John Mclaughlin (Robert De Niro)given an offer he couldn't refuse but turns out to be a needlessbloodshed to him. The film is based on a mock-trailer from Robert Rodriguez's Grindhousefeature Planet Terror. I never thought that Machete has a coolperspective to offer. Needless to say that gore to the movies was notjust exceptional but saves a simple plot to a byzantine one. Day by day, Machete tends to survive amounts of betrayal; The naked andstoned woman on that house with whom he has to rescue and a sniperrifle that is somehow not a good shot. Fortunately, there are fewfriends in his neighborhood; Luz (Michelle Rodriguez) as She, notherself as the Taco lady but later came to his aid, Sartana (JessicaAlba) as well came by to the rescue. In general, the ladies are theparamour for Machete.Senator John Mclaughlin (Robert De Niro) assures a less opportunisticcommunity by killing the parasite. Specifically, the trespassers by theUS/Mexican border. As the antagonist, it is really simple to determinethat Mclaughlin is the mediocre guy but later joins the good ones.Of course, the film never missed the sexy or perhaps naked ladies. Notto mention that the sex scene in the jungle is really further to thefinal cut of Lindsay Lohan. But who cares, at least they're nakedthat's all.You will never get bored by the films gore phenomenon, especially whenMachete bears his "boss". Totally filled with ketchup gore andmanically fueled!

johnstonjames (2012-05-17 12:43)

A Little Dubious, But Ultimately Cool And Satisfying Entertainment.

"if you're not Mexican you'd better become Mexican fast". that's whatthe mythical/real character 'She' tells the flip flopping senatorplayed by DeNiro. well if you're not Mexican, and you really like anddig this flick and Rodriguez and the fab Danny Trejo, you'll probablyturn Mexican real fast. everything about this movie is fast. i don't have any problem with turning Mexican. it's not like the whitedominated system in America ever really works for a lot of us thatdon't fit in. besides, almost ALL of my neighbors are Hispanics (mostprobably from Mexico), so i don't have any probs with being Mexican.with the exception of having no gang affiliations, attending churchregularly, and having children, i feel like a Mexican a lot of thetime. why not? Mexicans are cool. despite it's numerous problems,Mexico is a beautiful and great country.too bad so many people feel they have to leave the country they love toescape the problems of home, only to come here and face a whole new setof problems and get blamed for every problem that was already herebefore they came. you can take every illegal immigrant out of thiscountry and America would STILL have a whole lot of problems and noinsight into them.i thought it was pretty trippy that this film took the unpopular andcontroversial issue of supporting illegals from Mexico and wassympathetic with the problem. i love a good controversy. kudos toRobert Rodgriguez on that issue.politics aside, this was a really fun and entertaining action flickwith a intriguing and powerful political statement. sure a lot of itwas silly, but it was meant to be "tongue and cheek", something thatwill probably be lost on rigid viewers that somehow think most actionflicks are realistic even though they hardly ever are.and Danny Trejo is totally awesome in this. he is such a outrageouslygood action hero and it's great to see him in a starring role. the restof the acting in this was top notch. especially for something that isobviously adrenalin junkie fuel like this stuff.Robert Rodgriguez is a fantastically fun director and this low-budgetexercise in "dubious" taste proves it. this was pure adrenalin high,pure fun and pure hilarious comedy. i mean what can you say abouthaving Lindsay Lohan dressed in a Nun's habit? almost borders onblasphemy. i suppose it's no worse than having that filthy littlestoner Cheechey Marin as a gun-toting Catholic priest. but again. isTHAT any worse than having the Cheechey do voices for cuddly, cutesyDisney cartoons? remember 'Ollie & Co.'?this was a "way cool" action flick. almost as good as 'Grindhouse'. iwanna see it again.

Susperia7 (2012-05-16 18:55)

What the movie is about

It all comes down to what side you are on. Pro-Illegals and communismor following laws. That is what the whole movie is about. Pro-Illegalsand Pro-communism. I'm tolerant on a lot of movies as I have over 1500horror movies, but this one upset my stomach with the hatred of TheUnited States. They just kept cramming it down your throat. If you hateAmerica so bad then why not just leave. I went to watch a kick buttmovie and all I got was political crap from the communist left. Enoughis enough. We won't even get into the anti-god stance the movie takesor the racist crap it spews. I love Robert Rodriguez,but he crossed theline on this one. People will say it's just a movie and that is likesaying that Schindler's List was just a movie.

Scott Tobias (2012-05-16 09:13)

It's often stylish and exciting, but the pile-up of cool kills, hot bodies, and other unprocessed bits of juvenilia doesn't add up to a good time.

Shankru_Spam_Begone (2012-05-16 12:22)

Finally, proof that not all Hollywood Films are great

Well, after years of mining the Hollywood film genius of Bruce Wiltis,Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise, Greg Kinnear, etc., we're finally getting thedreck. Machete is by no stretch of the imagination a great film. Stupidcops, lame jokes, and generally lame action (though the Hannibel Lecterguy was mildly amusing) add up to a pretty mediocre film. I canhonestly say this is the worst Hollywood film I've ever seen (thoughit's still better than Vampire Hunter). And while just about all of thewomen here are hot, none of them appear naked, which is a deadly blowfor what's essentially an exploitation film.I guess "uneven" is the word that best describes this movie. The (few)fight scenes are actually very good, reminiscent of the good old daysof Hollywood. But there is also a lot of silly, childish comedy thateither doesn't translate very well or simply isn't very funny in thefirst place. And there is also a lot of extraneous material, like theromantic complications in the life of everybody's favorite bad girl,Lindsry Logon. It's true that with a different, more to-the-pointapproach "Machete" could have been a great girls-with-guns flick. But,for fans of this subgenre, there is still enough good stuff here(mostly in the first and the last 15 minutes) to make this worth yourtime. (**1/2)

(2012-05-15 23:47)

I Loved This Movie

This review is from: Machete (DVD) I bought Machete on a whim as the line "Machete doesn't text" seemed kind of funny. I got a case of beer and two friends and put Machete in with no idea what I was going to get. Wow what a great movie! The start is grainy and a throw back to the the 70's with the lighting and music, slowly the movie comes into focus. The movie plays with music in a very clever way love / sexual tension scenes always have the boom chika boom boom beats in the background. There were so many famous actors in this move that I lost count I really anticpated this to be a B list but in reality it was clearly A+ casting with lots of big names. The special effects were cheesy but really added to the movie. This is the best done movie since Pulp Fiction and just as out of the box. I have not clapped at a movie on DVD in years but Machete got a standing ovation with my friends!

Mikey (2012-05-15 04:57)

I love this movie! Director Rodriguez Rocks!

I had read two reviews and those critics didn't like it. First off,it's a movie...and a fun movie at that! Violent and bloody at times,stereotypes abound...can't wait for the next two sequels. MichelleRodgriguez is HOT! So is Lohan (and I hope she gets her act together).Trejo is the Man...Machete....I don't know any other Hispanic actorthat could've pulled this role off. Okay, so now Jessica Alba wants tobe Mexican? I forgive her for trying to be the white Sue Storm. DeNirois great without going over the top. I thought "and introducing DonJohnson" was kinda weird, but then again, he needs something to revivehis career.

Chris K (2012-05-14 14:20)

Ridiculously Fun To Watch

I'm giving this movie a PERFECT 10 because it's the best damn movie ofit's kind ever! The music was pure bliss and perfectly scored for thisflick. As an avid movie goer, Machete was exceedingly original beyondmy imagination and expectation, and I am impressed with this director.It was not as shocking a proclaimed, much to my dismay I might add.This was a perfect blend of outlandish behavior, deception, corruption,barbaric murder, and impulsive sex. The cast was impressive, DannyTrejo - awesome, and I even thought Lindsey Lohan represented well hercharacter. Everyone was crazy in this movie, but I honestly thought itwas really, really fun. I was riveted to my seat the whole time, andyou will too if you see it. This will be a very hot DVD rental, and I'mprobably going to buy it, because it was that good - and I rarely buymovies.

(2012-05-13 12:11)

One Adrenaline-Fueled Ride. Great Story.

Note: I saw this movie with XFinity On Demand.This film from the director of SPY KIDS Robert Rodriguez is very entertaining. It has a great storyline, and promises not one, but TWO, sequels. If you loved KILL BILL, you'll love MACHETE. Plenty of blood-drenching action, sexy women and excellent acting. I recommend it.

Mrswing (2012-05-13 06:34)

What's Mexican slang for crap??

Robert Rodriguez strikes (out) again. Stringing together some cruelmoments of gore with lame comedy, a few bare breasts (how people canrave about the copious nudity in this movie when there's hardlyanything on show is beside me), heavy-handed political satire whichmakes his sincere message come across as racist stupidity and some ofthe least exciting action scenes ever, Machete is a complete failure.Acting performances are weak across the board, and Danny Trejo is afrightening figure, yet he doesn't cut it (ooh, look, I made a pun) asan interesting lead character. He doesn't have the charisma totranscend the extreme simplicity of the character. And while I know hecould crush me with his bare hands, he certainly doesn't convince whengoing up against villainous henchmen half his age. The finale is theworst part of the film. The heroic Mexicans attack the racist Americanvigilantes, and much slaughter ensues, but without any tension at all,with extremely weak choreography and telegraphed 'cool' momentsreferencing 'classic' exploitation characters which are largelyembarrassing. Nothing is quite as embarrassing as the final battlebetween Trejo and Steven Seagal, though. No choreography to speak of,shot and edited in the least effective way (I've seen better fights inTV-series), and with an utterly lame ending, it has absolutely noredeeming features. Except that it's short (barely one minute of screentime). Maybe one day Rodriguez will accept the fact that he can't writeor tell stories, and start working from scripts by other people whocan. Until that day, we'll be stuck with crap like Machete, however.

(2012-05-09 18:41)

A rockin' good time

Robert Rodriguez brings to the screen a violent, funny, over-the-top story of a former Mexican Federale, known as Machete, who is hired to assassinate a Texas political figure. The assassination is a set-up, and Machete must find out who is behind it, while at the same time looking at self-preservation. Machete encounters two strong female characters. One is an ICE agent, the other has an operation assisting illegal immigrants, but she poses as a seller of burritos. These two women provide valuable assistance to Machete in his quest to keep himself alive while hunting down the bad guys. The film also contains caricatures of border hawk sheriffs and political figures. The graphic violence is lightened by dark humor that keeps the audience laughing, even while heads are chopped off.

Eric D. Snider (2012-05-09 06:41)

Brimming with infectious energy -- a well-made movie in the style of poorly made movies.